Temari the Gallant Princess
by ihatewriting
Summary: A twist in your classic fairy tale! In a kingdom where princes rescue princesses, what's there for a princess to do? But she will rescue her prince, darn it, or her name isn't Temari. But in the end, is it really the prince she's after? ShikaTema


**AN**: Guess which fairy tale inspired this! I'll actually be impressed if anyone knows, since it's not that well known. Here's a hint: it's from a story that was published in 1973 (scroll to the bottom to see what it was). Does a story have to be old to be fairy tale? Anyway, please don't take it too seriously, because i know I didn't :)

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In the kingdom of Sunagakure, three princes were always born. The oldest was always named Temaru, the middle was always Kankurou, and the youngest was always Gaara. The oldest prince always rescued a princess from a faraway land, brought her home, and in time ruled over the kingdom of Sunagakure. The second and third princes always rescued a princess from a faraway land built kingdoms of their own. That was the way it had always been. Until now.

This time, when the king witnessed the birth of his first child, he nearly fainted upon seeing a baby girl. And because this was a girl, the king and queen named her Temari. And after Temari, the queen gave birth to a son named Kankurou and a son named Gaara.

When the time came for the princes to find princesses to rescue, the king and queen ordered Temari to stay. Riding off and looking for adventures was unbefitting of a princess. A princess should wait for suitors, they reasoned, not gallop off to faraway lands to rescue a man. But Princess Temari was stubborn and tempestuous. She would find a prince to rescue, or her name was not Temari. Thus she took off with her brothers on horseback in search of spouses to rescue.

They traveled for seven days and seven nights, trying to find their prince and princesses. But all they found was an old man begging for alms under a large oak tree. The youngest prince decided to ask for directions.

"Old man, tell me where I can find a beautiful princess who needs rescuing," demanded Gaara.

"You shall find a beautiful princess trapped in a castle guarded by a fire breathing dragon two days east of here. And that's one."

"Whattaya mean 'that's one'?" asked Kankurou.

"It means that I am allowed to answer exactly one question for every person who passes by here. And that's two."

"That's weird. Need anything from us, old fart?" asked the eldest Temari.

And suddenly, the old man transformed into a slick weasel.

"By heavens! You, my lady, have broken the curse that had plagued me for ten years. I was to be trapped under this tree in the body of an old man until some gracious soul asked me a question about my own well being. Little did I know that the first time a person would ask me was in ten years! Now, young lady, as a token of my gratitude, I shall grant you one wish."

"Hm, this must be my lucky day or something. I'm usually not that nice. Let's see…I guess I just need to find a prince that I can rescue and take home."

"I see. Such a shame that the only eligible prince to be found is in the distant lands of Konoha, for he is trapped in the talons of Shikamaru, the shadow-wielding wizard. I shall you there, but that is where we must part, as I have neither the strength nor the courage to face the shadow wielder."

"Good enough for me."

Thus Princess Temari parted ways with her royal brothers, and was led by the weasel to Konoha, the land of a million leaves.

Upon arriving at the gates of Konoha, Temari bid the weasel adieu and charged into the castle where the dark wizard Shikamaru held her handsome prince captive. But upon closer inspection, the castle was did not seem dangerous or hostile. In fact, it was rather welcoming, if it were not for the fact that she did not know where to begin searching for her beloved prince.

She rummaged through the castle, searching high and low, until she finally found a room with an enormous cage. Within it, she saw the most beautiful man sitting upon a giant lotus.

"Hey, pretty boy, you a prince?"

"I am Sasuke Uchiha, heir of the Uchiha kingdom. And _you_ are late."

"I'm Temari, princess of—"

"I don't care. Get me out of here now. Konoha's destruction is far past due. Its citizens have never known pain until they have met Sasuke Uchiha."

"What a f— Look, I came here to rescue a prince so I can go back and rule my kingdom. So once I get you out of that stupid cage, you better start treating me like royalty because I'm not marrying some pompous brat."

"Then say goodbye to your kingdom because I'm not marrying you. Now get me out, so I can unleash hell on this forsaken country. I will cleanse the sins of this land with the fury of a thousand suns."

"Listen to me, you snot-nosed brat. I don't care about your psychotic plans for the destruction of who-knows-what. All I know is that I am taking you back with me, even if I have to amputate all your limbs. Got that? Now where's that wizard…"

She stormed out of the room, furious that the only prince she could find was an impudent scoundrel.

"Um, who are you?" She had been so preoccupied with thoughts of the prince that she did not notice the terrible, evil shadow wizard emerge. Even without his weapon drawn, she could see the ferocity hidden behind his nonchalant smirk. It was his eyes that gave him away—eyes that were dark and fierce and smoldering and seemed to strip away every piece of armor she wore. She drew her bladed fan and prepared for battle.

"Princess Temari of Sunagakure. Hand over the prince if you want to live."

"So…you're a…warrior princess? That's kinda wrong…and hot."

Temari felt flattered, but she had a job to do. "En garde!"

"Ok, wait. Not that I'm scared or anything, but fighting a girl is pretty damned troublesome. Not to mention embarrassing. How about I give him to you for a price?"

"Spit it out."

"You gotta do three things for me. First, you're gonna cook for my head knight. You'll make him the best meal he's ever had. Then you're gonna pick flowers for the castle fairy. Not even a single flower can be left unplucked and not a single one can be ruined in any way, got that? Then, you're gonna play a game of shougi with me. And I want you on you're A-game. If I win in fewer than ten moves, you're not getting your prince."

"And what makes you think you'll win?"

"Trust me, I always win. Now get started." The mighty princess whacked him gently, but firmly, with the blunt edge of her fan.

"Say the magic word."

"Ugh, _please_? So you can leave sooner…for both our sakes."

The terrible, awful wizard escorted her to the kitchen, where he could watch her perform the first of his terrible tasks. Princess Temari met the head knight, who was standing by the pantry, and was surprised to find that he was rather amiable.

"Hey there, my name is Chouji," the rotund, ruddy-cheeked warrior said. When he saw that the evil wizard was not paying attention, he whispered to her, "Don't worry about what Shikamaru said about cooking the best meal I've ever had. I think he just feels guilty because Ino—the castle fairy—botched my birthday barbecue plans. So anything's fine, really."

Because he was so nice, Temari decided that she would give him the best meal of his life, even if culinary skills were limited. As she prepared his cabbage soup (the only food she knew how to make), she put several drops of her family's secret magic potion. And when she served it to him, he devoured it.

"Wow, Temari, this is great! What did you make it with?"

"Let's just say it's a secret recipe."

"I…I feel like I can't stop eating this," said the knight as he started to gobble up her soup right out of the pot.

The wizard sighed, "You know that that's cheating right?"

"It don't matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning's winning," Temari said, grinning.

"Uh, that didn't even make sense, but whatever."

Next, the awful, horrible wizard introduced her to the castle fairy. Temari thought she saw the most beautiful, yet most annoying, woman in the land. The fairy was a scantily clad pixie with long platinum blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and an incredibly shrill voice.

"Okay, so I'm Ino. And you're here to, like, pick my flowers, right? So get to it!" She snapped her fingers impatiently, much to Temari's annoyance.

"Ok, see ya later," said the wizard, as he sauntered off with his hands in the pockets of his loose robe.

The field of flowers was not so much a field as it was an enormous garden that surrounded the entire castle. And when Ino thought Temari was out of earshot, she sniggered to herself. "She'll never pluck all these flowers. And then Sasuke will stay here forever! Hehehehe…"

"Hmph, we'll see about that. Dust Wind Technique!" She swept her massive fan and unleashed the fury of the winds upon the garden.

Ino, whose delicate clothes were in danger of being ripped to shreds, shrieked like banshee.

"You stupid brute! You realize you're not even allowed to tear a single petal, right?! That's it, you just failed miserably!"

"Aren't we jumping the gun here, squirt? Why don't you take a look at what's under that cherry blossom tree before you start running your mouth again?"

What could possible be under there?" asked the fairy impatiently as she flew toward the direction Temari pointed. "Oh my goodness…" And by the cherry blossom tree, now completely bald, was a colossal heap of flowers enough to fill ten carriages.

"Oh my, I can't believe it!"

"Duh. Oh, and the next time you call me stupid, I'll break off your pretty little wings."

Ino was appalled but did not get a chance to think of a proper rebuttal before the princess left to find her final enemy.

"Che, smarter than I thought," said a dark wizard hidden amongst the leaves.

She searched for what seemed to be an hour for the mighty wizard. She looked everywhere: dining room, ballroom, conservatory, kitchen, study, lounge, hall, library, and shougi room. Where could he possibly be? She returned to the shougi room to wait, as she had no other choice. She decided to sit on an comfortable looking sofa, but what was supposed to feel like a cushion actually felt like the wizard.

"What the hell?!" The wizard's supine form suddenly materialized on the sofa.

"Woman, you ruined my nap."

"Why were you even asleep? Are you not taking me seriously, you nitwit? Now let's get this game over with so I can take my prince home."

"Ugh figures. Why does everything have to be about Sasuke…"

Temari had to admit, however, that this wizard was a terribly skilled shougi player. The princess was known throughout Sunagakure for her mental prowess and no man had ever beaten her in shougi before. But the wizard had her cornered, and it seemed that even the last shreds of her intellectual fortitude could not take him down. But there was one last hope. She knew the chances were slim, but if she could only prolong the game just two more moves…

"Hmm…" said the wizard as he furrowed his eyebrows. He certainly underestimated this not-so-delicate princess.

"You know what? I guess you win this one."

"What? You mean you're forfeiting?"

"No, I would've beaten you either way. But it would take me more than ten moves total. Even if I could beat you in less, it would be rather troublesome because honestly I'm kind of sleepy."

Anger welled in the mighty princess for being taken so lightly. Yet her admiration for this dreadful wizard grew. Not only was he smart, she found that she rather fancied his razor-sharp tongue. But it was too bad that she was taking the petulant (but pretty) prince home instead.

"Ok, so can I get my prince now?"

"I guess. But I have to warn you, he's probably not to keen on the idea of being taken back as a trophy."

"It's alright, I'll break his limbs off if I have to."

"Suit yourself"

When they arrived in the prince's chambers, they found the prince glowering at them.

"Let me out, you nasty fiends!" he hissed.

"Ugh, please shut up, Sasuke. Ok, ready?" asked the wizard as he got his key out.

"As ready as ever," said Temari.

And as the wizard turned the key, Sasuke sprang out of his confinement, eager to escape in order to ravage Konoha. But he realized his plans were thwarted as soon as his face met Temari's fist.

"You piece of—" a stream of curses fell from the prince's lips as blood flowed steadily out of his nose.

"I told you I'm not going back without my prince," the princess said sweetly.

The two captors bound and gagged Sasuke, and Temari threw him over her shoulder.

"Thanks," she said as she patted her cargo and headed toward her horse.

"You should visit me sometime. And next time, I _will_ beat you at shougi. Ta!" And with that she rode off into the sunset with her precious loot sitting right behind her, squirming and yelling obscenities.

"What a scary woman," said the wizard to the knight and fairy, who appeared beside him to bid the princess farewell.

"I don't think that's what you're really thinking, Shikamaru," said the knight, who saw his best friend staring longingly toward the sunset.

"Are you _sure_ this is what you want?" asked the fairy. "Because, you know I'm faster than that horse, right?"

"Wait!"

Temari spun around on her horse, to see the horrific wizard flying toward her on the back of the beautiful fairy.

As they descended, the fairy rubbed her back and grimaced. "Shikamaru, I think you've gained weight."

"What now? I already cooked the best meal your knight has ever had. I picked the flowers from your fairy's garden. And I beat you at shougi. You are not taking this prince back for this stupid fairy!"

"Hey, don't call me stupid, you manly princess!"

"Oh, you really want to die, don't you? Well, thankfully, I'd like to grant that wish for you."

"Ugh, will you two stop? Temari, just listen to me for a bit. I kind of like you, even if I don't know why. So…why don't you just stay?"

"Are you joking?"

"Yeah, I wish. As troublesome as it is, I find it hard to stay away from you. And I think we'd be good together."

And as much as she hated to admit, she found this wizard far more enjoyable to be around than the dumb prince. Perhaps he had a point.

"Why don't you come back to Sunagakure with me? We can rule a kingdom together."

"Can I come back to visit my castle? Or am I gonna be a prisoner like this guy here?" he asked, pointing to the angry bundle that was still secured to her horse.

"Of course. You can go back any time you want."

"Then I'll be happy to, my lady."

"But what will I do with my booty?" she asked, obviously referring to the prince.

"Oh, no worries! I'll take him!" exclaimed the beautiful fairy. "Aren't you glad Sasuke? We're together again now!" She happily whisked him away and flew back to the castle.

"Mind if I bum a ride?" asked the wizard, seeing that his fairy was gone now.

The princess graciously extended a hand and pulled him up on her horse. The road back home would be long, but it would probably be interesting.

"You know, I'm going to have to explain to my parents why I brought you back instead of the prince."

"It's alright. You'll think of something."

And they lived happily ever after

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This story is inspired by _Petronella_ by Jay Williams, one of the first contemporary feminist writers.


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